


Everything is Not Alright

by guineamania



Series: One Vampire Allowed - the angst of Clara Ixthar [1]
Category: Curse of Strahd - Fandom, Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Original Work
Genre: DnD 5e Campaign, DnD 5e OCs, Found Family, Gen, One Vampire Allowed, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:33:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28028592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guineamania/pseuds/guineamania
Summary: Everything is wrong in this place. Barovia was not serving paladin of Lathander Clara Ixthar well.However, sat upon a mountain after having killed a goat of unusual size, maybe she could work out what was so wrong.
Series: One Vampire Allowed - the angst of Clara Ixthar [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2053044
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	Everything is Not Alright

**Author's Note:**

> This campaign was the most fun and how else to cope with it finishing apart from writing reflection fic.   
> Inspired by @BadassIndustries The Melancholy Remembrances of Emily St Aubert (Emily's letters are fabulous)

_This place was wrong. It should have all been fine, another simple quest to bring some children back home and deal with some werewolves. But this place._

Clara sat upon a mountain in a little magical bubble with snow crushing it from the outside. Staring at the whiteness was not helping her mind calm. The Morninglord or maybe he was her lord, well neither were listening or had any guidance to offer in this time, for the first time. Ever since they had come to Barovia things were going from bad to worse. Clara was feeling doubt for the first time. She was travelling with an undead and heading to a place of deceit and danger, and for what? To be able to kill a vampire lord? Clara sighs, watching her newfound colleagues sleep around her. No one else seemed to realise how blatantly wrong all of this was. There was such a focus on solving the next problem, and the next problem. What if there were no solutions? What if everything they were doing made it all worse _and that was why her god had left her_. Clara looked at shaking hands and busied herself with undoing her braid and yanking her trembling fingers through the knotted hair. Running from an avalanche carrying a spellcaster at least got the blood pumping but did not do much for frayed nerves. She needed to sleep, but she couldn’t.

_Her oath was one of redemption. That was why she had believed in Everard. That was why she allowed Izek to potentially put these inexperienced travellers at risk. Before it was a firm line, before it was you could still be redeemed unless you sold your soul. Everard had sold his soul, why was this any different? What was this place doing to her?_

Clara tried to meditate. She sat breathing deeply trying to ignore the chill seeping into her bones from the snow settling around their little hut in the wilderness. Her bedroll was doing absolutely nothing to convince her she was not sat on a barren mountain and waiting to potentially be gored by a too big goat. Her power still flowed through her, the warming light of renewal tingling as she tried to draw it into her fingertips. It was still there, the smallest comforts were all Clara had. She could not imagine trying to protect her party here without the one thing she could do. That would have make throwing herself in front of the hut an even easier decision. The meditating was not working to clear her mind, that much was obvious. She just had to think, challenges come to the devout and they must prove themselves. This was her challenge. This was her challenge. Lathander had not truly turned his back on her. Her blade still cut through the cursed like it had always done. All Clara could hear was her own deep breathing as the sounds of the others sharing the hut faded away. Maybe it was her mindset which was wrong for this place. The rules were different here that much was clear, maybe she needed to be different here. Emily, Muriel, Calliope, Everard, Raisa … they needed the protection of the light of the morning, the real morning. That means they needed her. There was nobody else here who could do it, at least not at the moment. Her breath began to even out, finally sinking into the place she had been looking for. Peace.

_Godfrey was not what she had been expecting. Revenants of the Morninglord. Creatures of light corrupted by such hate. At the time it seemed black and white, until she struck them in anger, then it seemed not too far away. The story of a man missing his old life and looking for redemption, in a land like this it had no right to feel so familiar._

Clara could finally focus through the fog in her mind and the light settled down. There was a stability in her aura she had not felt since burning down that house of death. It felt different, but a nice kind of different, a helpful kind of different. It was a feeling she had not felt since her first independent quest for the church. If any of her teammates had woken in that moment they would have seen a faint simple and a faint pinkish glow outlining her silhouette. Back to basics.

 ** _Don’t lie or cheat. Let your word be your promise._** This place looks to corrupt you, and to make you stoop their lows. She would not, she would keep her faith and stay true

 ** _Never fear to act, though caution is wise._** Her friends needed her to make the tough decisions. They do not need the burden. She could carry it.

 ** _Aid others, protect the weak, and punish those who threaten them._** Not everyone deserves the redemption they could be offered. She must keep others responsible for their actions

 ** _Show mercy to your foes, but temper it with wisdom._** These travellers with her were naïve at times, that was to their credit. They could not be hurt, it would be Clara’s fault if they were. Mercy was admirable, wisdom was a necessity.

 ** _Do as much good as possible while causing the least amount of harm._** She must put these doubts behind her and take heed from the young Miss St. Aubert, doing good for the sake of doing good is not weakness. It is strength.

 ** _Be responsible for your actions and their consequences._** She would do what was needed to be done. She would always do what was needed to be done.

And with this, Clara could sleep.


End file.
